*This week we have a special combo column of Snatch ‘em Up and Start Them, Bench Them, Drop Them*
Mercy is for the weak and the weak deserve no mercy.
Bye weeks aren’t so bad if you’ve planned for them, and they can be especially lovely if your opponent has not. Use them to cripple your shortsighted opponents and dominate your league.
For example, this week I’m going up against a guy who has Tom Brady (on a bye) and no fill in QB ready, so what I’m going to do is snatch up every other semi-startable QB available. This will leave my opponent with an awful situation that hopefully will sink him and give me another W. I call these pickups, screwovers. I think the name speaks for itself.
You: But Game Changer I don’t have enough bench space for all those QBs!
Me: Stop whining and start winning, I bet you have a kicker and probably a defense don’t you?
You: Yeah, but my kicker is the best! He scored me 20pts last week. And I love my Steelers defense! Those guys are tough.
Me: What are you dumb? The Steelers D/ST is currently 14th in standard fantasy scoring. That is awful and I don’t care if you have the #1 49ers D/ST, dump them and use the roster spot to screw your opponent. The same goes for your kicker (except more so), kickers don’t matter at all! Drop them both and pick up some screwovers. Then before kickoff on Sunday, dump the screwovers and snatch up a replacement D/ST and kicker.
You: But what if there are no more good kickers left?
Me: You just don’t listen do you? There will be plenty of kickers left and the criteria for picking one up is simple. Pick the highest average scoring kicker that’s left. That’s it. Pretty simple, but if you really want an edge in the kicking game, pick a guy who’s kicking against a soft defense and is playing in the best weather circumstance.
You: Well that sounds pretty easy, but what about D/ST?
Me: Read my column and take my advice about which D/ST to pick up and start. I don’t mention obvious names and so the ones I tell you to pick up will probably still be available for you.
So whether you’re snatching up players to use, or screwovers to defeat an opponent, get after them and…
Snatch ‘em Up
Carson Palmer, OAK: He’s been out of football for awhile and for the last couple years he has not been a good QB, but he’s also never had an offense with this many fast weapons. Oakland will remain a run first team, but Carson might have some decent games once he gets comfortable in the offense. Don’t rush to snatch him up, but keep an eye on him.
DeMarco Murray/Tashard Choice, DAL: This is the third time that this duo has appeared in Snatch ‘em Up and Felix Jones has always made me a liar by playing through injury. Well not this time he doesn’t! This isn’t some minor shoulder injury, this is a high frickin ankle sprain! Murray is the best bet for fantasy points.
Maurice Morris, DET: Jahvid was concussed and the Ronnie Brown deal fell through, and my guess is Maurice is the guy who will get the most carries this week. He is a desperation bye week fill in for you, or you can snatch him to keep him out of your needy opponents mitts.
Jackie Battle, KC: Still only owned in a third of leagues despite appearing in two of my previous columns. What are you waiting for people? He’s a starting RB on a run first team for crying out loud!
Montario Hardesty, CLE: The White Rhino tweaked a hammy and if he misses time, Montario could be a sneaky start during the tough bye weeks.
Greg Little, CLE: He is now the #1 WR in Brown town. Snatch ‘em up.
Demaryius Thomas, DEN: If you’ve got the bench space, this guy might be worth a snatch up. He’s big and fast, but he’s also usually injured. He’s coming off the PUP list and may fill in for the dear departed Brandon Lloyd. If you don’t have the space keep an eye on him anyway.
Doug Baldwin, SEA: No he’s not a tax attorney or an insurance salesman despite being named like one. He’s actually a slot receiver for Seattle and he’s put up enough points to catch my eye. If you are desperate he’s worth a snatch up.
Steve Breaston, KC: He put up some big numbers opposite Dwayne Bowe lately and like Dougie B, he could be worth a roster spot with the Chief’s offense showing life.
Cowboys D/ST: The boys take on a beaten up and winless Rams squad and should be able to add to the misery in St. Louis. Snatch ‘em Up.
Browns D/ST: The Seahawks travel to Cleveland and will most likely be out their starting QB. The Browns should pounce on the wounded birds.
Start Them
QB
Big Ben Roethlisberger at ARI: Mr. Potato Head has the arm cannon to wing the pig skin all over the yard and against the Cardinals wretched pass defense he will do just that.
Tony Romo vs. STL: An obvious start to be sure, but I mention him hear because of the monster game he is about to have. The Rams are so beat up in the secondary that they actually brought my grandmother in for tryout. True story. Plus no Felix Jones means more taking to the skies for the Romosexual.
Timothy Tebow at MIA: The blessed one is starting for the Broncos and he should be starting for you. He will run and score TDs with his golden legs and any passing yards are a bonus. Start him over people named: Schaub, Flacco, Ryan, Cutler and Hasselbeck.
RB
Mark Ingram vs. IND: News flash- the Colts are not good at stopping the run. I think that with Saints coach Sean Payton injured, the Saints will go with a more run oriented attack this week. This is Ingram’s breakout performance.
Jackie Battle at OAK: KC will run the ball as much as possible against the Raiders and Jackie is the starting runner. Start him.
Ryan Torain at CAR: He didn’t get it going last week and Timmy Hightower is back and healthy this week, but the Panthers really cannot stop the run and Shanny is going to want to protect Beck at QB and so I say all aboard the Torain express.
Beanie Wells vs. PIT: This ain’t your daddy’s steel curtain and the Cards will be saddling up Beanie all day.
Daniel Thomas vs. DEN: The call I’m least sure about, but Miami will be playing for Sporano’s job and their best bet is to keep Tebow on the sidelines. Thomas will find the endzone this week.
WR
Marques Colston vs. IND: The big man broke out last week (as I predicted) and with the increased defensive attention that Jimmy Graham will command, Colston will find himself open a lot. Start him.
Pierre Garcon at NO: The Frenchmen will get open in the Big Easy and Curtis Painter is having a serious bromance with stone hands Garcon. The Colts will be down and throwing often, often enough for Pierre’s value to survive a few drops.
Santonio Holmes vs. SD: Rex Ryan can grumble all he wants about “ground and pound”, but the truth is, his team stinks at running the ball. The Chargers have a decent offense and the Jets will be forced to the air. Holmes is the beneficiary.
Anquan Boldin at JAC: The Quan finally breaks out of his shell last week with a butt load of catches and yards. This week he takes one all the way to the end zone.
Brandon Lloyd at DAL: A new team, a limping QB (or backup, still unsure), and a fierce pass rush. Sounds grim for Lloyd’s production this week, but I say start him anyway. The Cowboys have a very beatable secondary and the Rams will force the ball to their new weapon.
TE
Fred Davis at CAR: Beck will look to his best receiving option often. And yes, Freddy is the skins best receiving option.
Brandon Pettigrew vs. ATL: Javid Best’s loss is Pettigrew’s gain. Stafford might throw him 15 balls this week and with that kind of volume, the points will rack up.
Owen Daniels at TEN: He crapped out last week against the Ravens, but if Houston wants to win (and that’s a big IF when talking about the Texans), they have to throw to someone and that someone is Owen.
D/ST
Cowboys vs. Rams: As discussed in the Snatch ‘em Up section, the Rams are beaten up.
Browns vs. Seahawks: Seattle has to travel across country, their starting QB is highly questionable to play, and they were not a good offense to begin with. Unleash the Browns!
Saints vs. Colts: The Saints defense has been disappointing (to put it mildly), but this week at home in the dome, against a very bad offense, they get well.
Bench Them
QB
Matt Ryan at DET: Julio Jones is banged up, the coach is claiming that the dirty birds will return to a run first team, and Matty Ice will be under assault in the Motor City. Sit him down.
Matt Cassel at OAK: Bye week problems might make you consider starting this guy, but don’t! The Chiefs will be running and Cassel will go back to tossing more INTs than TDs.
Carson Palmer vs. KC: Don’t get cute and rush this guy into your starting lineup just because the Raiders are. Let’s see what he can do first.
RB
Earnest Graham vs. CHI: Don’t let last week’s numbers fool you. The Bears have much better linebackers than the Saints do. Ernie will be shut down in the run game, but he will catch several balls. Lower expectations.
Ryan Mathews at NYJ: You have to start him, but don’t expect too much. The Jets run defense has been bad, but it will be better this week at home. Also Tolbert is back and healthy, which means stolen touches.
Shonn Greene vs. SD: He is not very good at football.
Jonathon Stewart/DeAngelo Williams vs. WSH: With both guys healthy and Cam Newton as the goal line back, you just can’t start either of them.
WR
Vincent Jackson at NYJ: Revis island. Yes, Brandon Marshall put up big numbers last week against Revis because Miami continuously forced him the ball, but the Dolphins also lost convincingly. The Chargers are smarter than that and have more weapons. Bench him if you can.
Jordy Nelson at MIN: He’s been on fire, but all of his points come on one or two catches a game. Don’t count on it this week. Rodgers will throw a lot more underneath passes to Finely against the cover-2 Vikings.
Reggie Wayne at NO: Curtis Painter hates Reggie Wayne, pass it on.
Mike Williams vs. CHI: Even when Josh Freeman lights it up these days, Mike is left out. Bench him.
TE
Ben Watson vs. SEA: Why is he on your roster?
Ed Dickson at JAC: Seriously, why is he on your roster?
Heath Miller at ARI: He still plays football?
D/ST
Texans at TEN: Beware CJ2K is coming off a bye and at home. Bench them.
Buccaneers vs. CHI: Beware of Forte-always!
Drop Them
Thomas Jones, KC: The Battle era has begun and the Jones era ended two years ago.
Plaxico Burress, NYJ: This goon stinks.
Marcedes Lewis, JAC: This guy is still on your team?
Ochocinco, NE: I’m advising picking this guy up again and then dropping him for fun.
I welcome all questions about lineup choices. Let me help you dominate.
